December Update

So it’s been a crazy few weeks.

It took us 9 days to move. And it was awful.

I fell and ended up bruising my left leg from the ankle at the way to my butt. I also slammed into a wall on my way down, so I messed up my spine pretty badly. Moving was not fun after that and I’m still having problems with my left shoulder and hip. Do not recommend.

About a week after we moved out, our landlord contacted us to accuse us of being liars, stealing from him (?), and damaging things on purpose. We are now waiting to see if we receive a letter from his lawyer because he has also told us he’s going to sue.

Because my husband had to quit his job because we couldn’t find somewhere to live quick enough, he doesn’t have insurance. One of his meds, that he needs to function, is literally $1,400. One thousand four hundred dollars. Top that with there being a med shortage for another one of his meds, which is basically forcing him to go off of two meds cold turkey. He has ADHD and is growing through withdrawals. Stability is no longer a word we use here.

Husband got a job last week because we needed an income. He’s known the owners his whole life and they treat him like a son. He worked 2 days, and then the owners both tested positive for Covid. Now he has to stay home, and I don’t know if his fever/coughing/weakness/etc is only from withdrawal, or if he has Covid too.

We had no choice but to move back with my in law’s. When we left I was borderline suicidal because my mother in law hates my guts. To her my limitations are personal faults. I shouldn’t be in pain because I ‘look normal,’ even though she was present when I was diagnosed and died during surgery, and she was the person that made sure I was alive everyday after I came home from the hospital. I’m basically her son’s maid, and I’m not efficient enough do the chores she expects of me for her son. So my struggles don’t matter, and also don’t exist. I’m sure she thinks I’m a useless liar.

The only reason I haven’t lost my mind yet is because they went on vacation and I haven’t had to hear any criticism or unwanted opinions for the last few days. This will be the only gift I get this year.

My family is still mostly silent and invisible. I try very hard not to feel a certain way about that. But as time passes, I can’t help but feel petty about the hypocrisy of crying about your missing child for a decade, and when you finally get them back, you don’t want them so much that you literally let them live in their car and then don’t go to see them in the hospital after they died and had to be resuscitated on the operating table.

I feel so fucking wanted.

Why do adults suck and why am I one of them?

Anyway, we can’t leave until hubby gets a new job, and he’s supposed to be studying for a certification now. Unfortunately he has no meds, so what he’s actually doing is bouncing off the walls. We have to figure out how to deal with that first.

Anyway. Doing my best. I didn’t want to be homeless and reliant on Christmas this year. But I am doing my best.

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